A spanking is what you need

Added: Sadia Varley - Date: 28.11.2021 17:42 - Views: 17001 - Clicks: 9158

The short answer is no. Some people feel hesitant to abandon a discipline they experienced when they were children. But the thinking on spanking has changed over the years, and now doctors and child advocacy groups advise against spanking, slapping, or any other kind of physical punishment.

When your child misbehaves or acts in defiant, inappropriate, or even dangerous ways, you want to show him his behavior is unacceptable and must change. Spanking may seem like a direct and effective way to do that, but it delivers other messages you don't want to send:. That's a natural question. After all, most of us were spanked as children -- 82 percent, according to some polls -- and we didn't turn out so bad, did we?

We may feel that our parents were good parents, that they spanked us because they loved us, so why shouldn't we practice the same "tough love" on our kids? The answer is that we know far more about the negative effects of spanking than we used to. Our parents may have loved us; they may have been been wonderful parents. But if they knew what we know now, they might not have spanked us.

Among other things, research shows that children who are physically punished by their parents are more likely to engage in violent, aggressive behavior -- both as children and as adults. Only a few decades ago some child-rearing experts saw spanking as an acceptable way to discipline children.

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But they have learned better. Today the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, and other child health organizations strongly oppose physical punishment in children. In a study released in Julya psychologist who analyzed six decades of research on corporal punishment found that it puts children at risk for long-term harm that far outweighs the short-term benefit of on-the-spot obedience. Psychologist Elizabeth Gershoff of Columbia University's National Center for Children in Poverty found links between spanking and aggression, anti-social behavior, and mental health problems.

Gershoff spent five years analyzing 88 studies of corporal punishment conducted since Another study by psychologist Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, followed children between the ages of 2 and 4 and made this surprising finding: Kids who were spanked scored lower on tests that measured their ability to learn. Straus thinks the reason may be that parents who don't spank their children spend more time talking and reasoning with them.

Straus also believes that spanking may get children to stop misbehaving in the short run, but it makes them more likely to act out in the long run. His study found that the more children were spanked, the more likely they were to fight, steal, and engage in other antisocial behavior.

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This echoes several other studies, which found that children who are hit at home are more likely to become juvenile delinquents as teenagers than those who weren't physically punished. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to suffer from depression. In addition, a landmark study on adverse childhood experiences ACEs such as neglect and physical or verbal abuse found that such childhood adversity only affects brain development, but children's hormonal systems, immune systems and even their DNA. Don't do it. Young children are especially fragile because their brains are still developing.

Every year, thousands of kids 2 and under are injured -- sometimes killed -- when they are shaken or hit. Shaken infant syndrome, as doctors call it, most often happens to kids under 1 and sometimes to those under 2. It can cause cerebral hemorrhage, blindness, severe brain damage, and even death. While a ificant of parents still use corporal punishment, recent research shows that the majority are now choosing not to physically discipline their children.

Ina survey by the Gallup organization found that 94 percent of parents said they had physically punished their 4- and 5-year-old children, and nearly 30 percent of the parents admitted to hitting children between 5 and 12 with belts, paddles, or other objects. But a University of Michigan poll suggests a national trend toward non-physical discipline, with just 38 percent of parents saying they are likely to spank or paddle children between the ages of 2 and 5.

Spanking may temporarily stop an annoying behavior. But parenting is a long-term proposition, and research shows that in the long-term spanking isn't effective. Many parents who start spanking soon find they need to up the ante -- to spank more and harder in order to get their child's attention. Hitting while yelling, "this is the only way I can get through to you," becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many experts have also found that over time, spanking makes angry and resentful; he also becomes less -- not more -- willing to do what you ask.

That pattern can begin as early as age 1. A study published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology, for instance, found that 1-year-olds who were frequently spanked by their mothers were far more likely to ignore Mom's requests, compared to children who were rarely or never spanked. It helps to remember that young children, especially 2- and 3-year-olds, are going to push your buttons and test limits -- it's part of their job description. And it's natural for you to get extremely angry with your child sometimes, but if you make an ironclad rule for yourself that you won't hit your child -- ever -- you'll avoid the negative consequences of spanking.

You'll also avoid a situation in which anger can turn a light slap turn into a dangerous blow. Of course, you will still get frustrated and furious at times -- it's inevitable. It helps to remember that it's hard being 2 and 3. One minute, you're all-powerful and can do anything without help. The next minute, you're frustrated, unable to accomplish a simple task, and throwing a toy across the room.

As your child lurches back and forth between being powerful and feeling humiliated, you can help him save face with your understanding and support. If you're the primary caregiver for your child, cultivate friendships with other parents and set up playdates -- they'll give you a break and are a fun way for your child to feel more independent and learn new social skills. Have friends or family you can call in a pinch, and try to plan some time off for yourself. Many communities have parent talk lines you can call if you're feeling stressed out and fear you might lose your temper.

Your pediatrician or your birth hospital can help you find one. One minute, your new skills make you feel all-powerful and confident. The next minute, you're frustrated by a difficult task and throwing a toy across the room in a tantrum.

Your job as a parent is to help him save face and learn how to manage those difficult feelings. Try operating at your child's pace when possible rather than trying to force him to move at yours. Be as flexible as you can, but be unyielding on the important things, especially issues of safety.

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When you feel you must "punish" your child, remember that, in his eyes, your disapproval or anger is the heaviest punishment of all. And any punishment you do mete out should be immediate, because this young can't think about later consequences, only what's happening right here and now. So if he misbehaves in the morning, don't tell him he can't watch a video that night.

But if he acts up in the video store and refuses to stop, you can pick him up and say "That's it, we're going now and we won't be able to get a video. Most importantly, demonstrate with your own action the kind of behavior you want from him.

If you make a mistake, don't be afraid to admit it and to tell him you're sorry. He'll be more likely to grow up into the kind of adult you're proud of. Hyman: Jossey-Bass. Shure, Pocket Books. D, with Joan Declaire: Simon and Schuster. Shure: Pocket Books. Kesey, Ed. Berkeley Publishing Group. CDCFelitti and Anda, Family Research Laboratory.

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Child Trends Databank. Attitudes Towards Spanking. University of Michigan Health System. Spanking out, talking in: Most parents opt to talk with misbehaving. This site uses cookies to enhance your browsing experience. More Info Accept. Should I spank my child? Spanking may seem like a direct and effective way to do that, but it delivers other messages you don't want to send: Fear.

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Spanking teaches your child to fear you -- not to listen to you or respect you. He may also be humiliated and resentful, and retaliate by being uncooperative. The result: You'll be less able to reason with and set effective limits for your. Spanking teaches your child that when he make mistakes, you'll punish him rather than give sympathetic guidance.

It erodes trust and disrupts the bond between you and your child that will allow him to be confident and flourish. Might makes right. If you spank, your child may learn that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems. Not surprisingly, perhaps, studies show that kids who are spanked are more likely to hit and fight with other children. Studies also show that children who are hit are more likely to become violent adults. Poor self-esteem.

Many studies have shown that hitting your child can hurt more than his body: It can injure his sense of self. He may reason that if he weren't such a bad boy, he wouldn't get hit. Studies by the late psychologist Irwin Hyman and colleagues at Temple University have shown that regardless of how nurturing a family is, spanking always lowers self-esteem.

Spanking can be physically dangerous, especially if you hit harder than you intended. Sometimes spanking can bruiseleave hematomas blood blistersor injure soft tissue; some kids have even been hospitalized because of it.

A spanking is what you need

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The Pros and Cons of Spanking